Stage Across America Day 24/Extern Day 10

Wow, what a time I'm having. Saturday was Christmas and I had to work, and I hear that I don't get holiday double pay because I haven't been there 90 days, however a fellow student, Sammy, told me that she got it for working on Thanksgiving. I don't know. I guess I'll find out next week.

Today at work was day 12 of a 13 day stretch (the first two days were Orientation...) and I'm telling you--I'm more beat than a dead horse... Tomorrow, at long last, is my Friday, and I get one day off... On that one day off, I have to go to work in the afternoon to pick up my pay and do laundry and shopping and errands... A day off? Really? At least it won't be another day like today: SLAMMED! 140+ covers, 3 servers, 2 people cooking... Can you say busier than a one-armed paper-hanger?! I'm saying! 5 straight hours of rushing and fumbling and burns and cooking and getting the job done. Just had to keep my head down and dig in. It was crazy. We were under-staffed, under-supplied, and my co-worker was even more so of her ever-so-charming-and-lovely self and yelling at me and blaming me for everything that was going wrong. I finally had to shut her down to shut her up. In front of some server and the manager... Hey. I won't be spoken to like that by her or anyone. And ultimately, I was in the right and was later praised for not only doing a good job on a day where we got shafted, but also for handling Maria in a professional manner when she was coming unglued... I was given an apology for the fact that I came for my externship and my chef was on vacation, and then the chef I'm directly working for went on vacation for a week. I wasn't adequately trained and there weren't any arrangements to see to it in her absence. So all week has been trial by fire with a coworker who probably has no future of advancement due to her bad attitude and mouth. And I get to look forward to a encore tomorrow. But I'm venting now... Oh, and remember Egg Day??? I have to cook eggs at breakfast now... Don't GET me started on that...

What brought up my day? Check out this YouTube video!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXh7JR9oKVE

I won't spoil it for you, but I wanted it repeatedly, and recalled when I did that in college! Oh, it took me back and was such a delight to watch!

My dilemma this week, though: what to do and where to go for New Year's Eve! It's one of my most favorite holidays! It's like getting a clean slate, hitting the reset button, second chances all over again... Hope and promise and renewal. I have always loved that day. But I'm in a new place and don't really know anyone or where to go. But I'm networking on my iPhone chat app and meeting people. I'll let you know how it turns out.

Stage Across America Day 21/Extern Day 7

Merry Christmas Eve to all! I hope the holiday finds everyone in good health, high spirits, surrounded by loved ones (I have Gracie with me!)

Day 9 of a 13 day stretch over Christmas weekend brought a busy day. But I feel like I'm really starting to "get it" on the line; being that I've never worked the line before, I'm still kinda slow in my thinking of "what's next..." But It's starting to gel and I'm expanding my execution to several tickets down the board. This is obviously a VERY important skill to have in a time-sensitive hospitality industry...

I got into it a little bit with Maria today... She comes with a self-given disclaimer that she's "a grouchy bitch with a bad attitude that just doesn't care about other people..." And yet she seems to get along with me ok, most of the time. But she must thin I'm a total idiot and she likes shortcuts... Like just cutting off the bottom of a head of Bibb lettuce to get rid of the roots and dirt so she doesn't have to wash it... What a waste of product! But hey--it's her world and I'm just a squirrel... So she was showing me how to cut lettuce and I walked away. She asks me to do something and then starts doing it herself, so I'm just like, "fine. you go ahead and do it." It's so frustrating sometime, but I just have to keep in mind that it's only temporary.

Oh! And here's another mind-blowing revelation: Marriott International does NOT recycle or compost! That just floored me! At school, we have the yellow bin for recycling, the blue bin for compostable material, and the grey bin for all other trash. Marriott is the 3rd largest hotel/hospitality company in the world with over 3000 locations, and they don't recycle or compost?? I can't even imagine the amount of waste that could be repurposed that the company just throws away. Something to do with money and finding companies that will make pick ups... I don't know. I just think it's a shame. As an industry leader, they should be leading the way in going green.

And finally, my wonderful neighbor, Christine, came to my rescue again today: our laundry facilities don't take quarters. We have a card with a microchip that we load with money and it just deducts when you wash/dry. We have to load the card in the office building, but it was already closed for the holiday when I got home today. So Christine was kind enough to let me use her card so I could do 2 loads of laundry, and gave her $5 in return. It was very necessary! I can't have Santa come over and I have no clean undies!

With that, I have to put the laundry away and get some dinner before bed. 5:30 comes very early in the a.m....

Stage Across America Day 20/Extern Day 6

So here we are, continuing the culinary adventure of a lifetime. Today I worked day 8 of a 13 day stretch; only 5 more days to go before I get a day off. I'm really looking forward to that... I have to say--I'm kinda beat! I'm not complaining about the work, but it's just been a crazy time moving here, getting into the system at the resort so I can start working, getting called in on my one day off this week, and having the holiday influx of guests... It's all just adding up, is all I'm saying.

Yesterday I was late to work, too. I HATE when that happens because throws off the rest of my whole day! I don't what happened, but I awoke to my phone chirping from a text message. It was my boss asking me why I wasn't at work. PANIC MODE! I look at the time and it was after 9 am, and I was supposed to be at work at 7! Apparently, the socket that my alarm clock is plugged into, doesn't hold a plug very well, and either Gracie or I knocked it loose in the middle of the night and it reset. I was over three hours late to work and of course, I had some 'splainin' to do... And so now I am also setting the alarm on my phone as a back-up. So again, all day my head was scattered, my coworker was annoyed (and annoying), and I just couldn't get my groove back. Thankfully, I had to leave early to go to HR to do more in-processing and GET PAID. Thank goodness for that! Only for the two days of Orientation last week, but hey--every penny counts right now!

On that issue, once I start getting my full paychecks, with all the overtime I'll be working, in addition to my monthly GI Bill housing allowance, I'll be sitting pretty. I have to get a few things fixed on the car, especially to get ready for the long road trip in April. I am going to pamper myself for my birthday, too: I found out that as an employee, I get a HUGE discount on spa services, so I'm going to treat myself to a full day at the spa with as many services as I can afford and squeeze in! I can't wait for that... And of course, I need to save as much money as possible the road trip. Gas and hotels aren't cheap... And finally, I'm hoping to pay off the damn credit card! That will be a great feeling.

So back to work: I closed down today after my coworker left at 3:30. We actually had a third pair of hands come up from the main kitchen to help us out today, and my coworker, Maria, had him work the hot line while she worked the cold line and I was doing a bunch of prep in the back. He supposed to be there again tomorrow, and Maria wants him again on the hot line and have me on the cold line while she preps. And on Christmas, it's just Maria and I, and I'll be on the hot line while she works cold. After work, I stopped in to the main kitchen to speak to Chef, and we chatted about the day. He was hoping to hear that we used Jesus as a back up, and that Maria and I were the ones doing all of the cooking... I think he's going to have a talk with Maria tomorrow...

But in the conversation he had with me today, he was mentioning my staying at Sprouts for a bit, then perhaps moving down to the main kitchen and/or BLT Steak, and then on to Banquets. I want as much experience as I can get while I'm here, so I'm excited at any opportunity he gives me. But at the same time, I'm also hoping to see some of Phoenix while I'm here, and I REALLY want to take Gracie to the Painted Desert, Petrified Forest, Four Corners, The Winslow Meteor Crater, and the Grand Canyon! I wonder if I'll be able to swing all that... We'll see.

Other than that, work today was just ok. Tomorrow is supposed to be busy, but we can handle it. Life is good.

Stage Across America Day 18/Extern Day 4

Hey everyone! I'm back online! And that is thanks to my sweetheart of a neighbor letting me pay her $50 to use her Wi-Fi for the 4 months that I'm here. :) Don't have to deal with the cable company or any of that, and it's cheaper! So, THANKS CHRISTINE! :-D

That said, I have some catching up to do!! I know I said a week and a half ago that I would log an entry, and then didn't, but you have to realize the predicament I was in... If you read my Facebook posts, you know that I was in San Antonio and out of money to get to Arizona! And I managed to go out to the old bars I used to go to, taking my friend Jake, who moved from NY to San Antonio last summer to run the new bakery cafe at the new San Antonio campus of the CIA. It's supposed to open next month. And so far as going out when broke--thank goodness for old friends who want to buy you a drink!

So--back to San Antonio... On the drive down from Fort Worth, I saw that my accounts were dwindling, and I spent most of the 4 hour drive on the phone to the bank, pricing hotels in El Paso, to the bank... I was trying to see if I could make it Arizona on what I had left for funds, and there was just no way it was going to happen. I wasn't even going to have enough money for gas to get to El Paso!

So I was staying with my friends Tripp and Joseph, who graciously let me stay for three nights instead of the originally planned one night. My mom, on Wednesday morning, had transferred money into my account so I would have the money to move into my apartment once getting to Arizona. The EXACT amount. We were hoping that my former landlord back in NY would come through and sent my deposit reimbursement check to my friends; address in San Antonio so I could take it right to the back and my mom would get her money back. No such luck. One of the phone calls on the drive down was to a lawyer in NY regarding tenant/landlord issues, and long story short--my landlord has 30 days to pay me back, and must itemize and deductions from the deposit and explain why. So, knowing how cheap and, shall we be nice and say uncooperative, he is, I don't expect to see that check until the 30 day mark on Jan 4. Then I had the lovely time explaining that to my mom, who, of course, had to throw it back in my face as to my poor planning, lack of saving enough money and her having to bail me out again. Oh, and how she guesses she'll just have to give everyone else notes for Christmas, explaining that there christmas presents went to my apartment, and of course I ruined Christmas. To top off that whole situation, my stepdad (who is ONLY 6 years older than me) felt compelled to send me a text regarding how much joy it gives my mother to be able to give at Christmas time, and how my insufficient planning successfully derailed that. Merry Christmas. Yeah, thanks... I will save THAT rant for another time... I'm still stewing over that one...

So, back to business. My Godsend of a friend from The Wick, April, caught up with me on Facebook that day and loaned me $200 to get me to Phoenix THANKS AGAIN APRIL! But the funds transfer from my mom still hadn't cleared and shown up in my account yet at that time, so now it was time to gamble... I decided to go ahead and hit the road on Sunday, stay the night in El Paso, and drive on to Phoenix on Monday, and pray that the transfer would show up in my account come Monday morning. IT DID! But let me just tell you... Getting to El Paso from San Antonio was VERY painful...

I was warned, but I paid no mind. The first half of the drive was actually ok. The sun was still up and I could see the countryside. It was after sunset that I wanted to stab myself in the eye just to keep things interesting... Pitch black, NO traffic, no towns, no NOTHING for hours and hours... Oh, except for Fort Stockton in west Texas... Don't blink when you drive through that town! My friend, Tommy--I see why you left! ANd once leaving town, pitch black again. The most exciting thing was seeing a shooting star.

So I rolled into El Paso, ready for something, ANYTHING, to look at. It's a bigger city than I expected, and with Juarez right across the border, all the city lights together made it look like a sizable metropolis. The coolest thing for me, tough, was a giant star in lights on the side of one of the mountains (I also wasn't expecting mountains yet): The town had originally put it up for the holidays years ago, but kept it around as a symbol of support for our troops. How cool is that!?

I checked into the Motel 6 and with the $4.67 in change I had left in the cup holder, I walked next door to Arby's and the lovely lady told me to just pick any sandwich, and also gave me a bottle of water. What an angel! ANd the girl at the front desk of the hotel gave me free Wi-Fi access. Thank you ladies! I ate, tried to catch up with my online business, and crashed out hard, to awaken to the lovely sight of money in my checking account! Time to move on! Went to the post office right there in El Paso and bought the required money order to pay my apartment complex upon arrival, and took off. I have to say that the drive across New Mexico and into Arizona is very picturesque, but I'm willing to bet money that at night, it would be as painful as that drive across west Texas the night before... There's just nothing out there! But again, if you follow me on Facebook, you undoubtedly saw all of the pictures I posted on the road. And it was entertaining me at the same time.

Now announcing the arrival of Air Rizona! Get it? ;-) I got to the apartment office only about 30 minutes before it closed, paid my money order, signed the papers, got the keys, and that was that. I was in my new place. I got in touch with Sammy, a fellow extern from school working in BLT Steak baking and pastry at the resort, and she came down to help me unload my car. Remember, I had it packed like a Tetris master with only that which I would need out here in desert. Clothes, air mattress, a few odds and ends, of course ALL of Gracie's stuff, and that was it. Got the little studio set up, which is a really cute place, if you saw the pictures on Facebook last week. Bare floors keeps it nice and cool--the complex had the heat on and it was 85 degrees in my apartment! That was a no-go, so I had them turn off the heat all together the next day. And the BUGS!! My neighbor told me that the guy who lived here before was a total slob, and that the had to replace the entire floor and repaint the whole apartment... So it stand to reason that the bugs are here because of him... As soon as I can afford, I'll buy stock in Roach Motel!

Tuesday I went to the resort in my whites to check into HR, and as I knew, they sent me right off to do my drug screening. No biggie. Then back tot he resort to explore! It's really quite beautiful! And so historic... You can see why Mr Marriott spends his birthday there every year. But the HR debacle... Man oh man what a nightmare! They KNEW I was coming for months, and yet still didn't have my background check paperwork from the corporate office! And the lady in HR couldn't have cared less about my situation, just kept telling me that it was corporate policy and there are state laws regulating something-or-other... Man, I wanted to just come across the counter and slap the taste right outta her mouth... I was so mad, but I managed to keep a smile, and my temper, and act like a man with his hat in his hands... No luck. I left. In the end, though, everything came in, I got the paperwork done, and started work on Saturday in Sprouts, the Spa cafe.

There are only 3 of us who work there, and as you can see in the picture I posted in Facebook the other day, it's a tiny little kitchen and I got the grand tour as I stood in the middle of the kitchen and turned a 360. Literally. It took 30 seconds. And I spent the day reading the menu and trying to learn the composition of all of the items. Sunday had me getting trained on the cold station--salads and fruit, mostly. And then I got trained on the hot line yesterday. I was supposed to have today off, but I woke this morning to a text from my boss asking if I could come in because she was sick and the other girl couldn't cover. So, on my one day off out of a 13 day stretch, I rolled up my sleeves and ran the whole kitchen solo. I made everything on the menu today, save 3 items. Keep in mind, that it's Tuesday... The servers said that today was NOT a busy day, but me being on day 4 of my very first a la minute service with more than 20 menu items encompassing appetizers, soups, sandwiches, salads, proteins, deserts... It was a trial by fire day and I made it through very well. But now, for the next seven days, including Christmas Eve and Day, I'l be there with the other employee while my boss is on vacation for a week.

So now that we're back up to date, I'm going to wrap this entry up, because this bare floor is starting to hurt, I'm hungry, and I just want to catch up on my Hulu. So with that, I bid you adieu until next time!

Stage Across America: Day 5

Wow, what a trip, so far! It really is turning out to be quite an adventure. Since Sunday night when I last posted, I drove from Knoxville to Little Rock on Monday, and now I'm here in Fort Worth. On the way to Little Rock, though, I stopped off in Memphis and saw my old friend Erin from SHAPE American high school. We graduated in 1992, and haven't seen each other since--that was half a lifetime ago! So we got together and grabbed a bite to eat at Neely's BBQ--the famous Pat and Gina Neely from the Food Network. No, they weren't there, but yes the food was delicious! I had the sliced beef brisket, cole slaw, and bbq beans while Erin had the pulled pork, potato salad and fries. Of course, being back in the south and having BBQ, I HAD to have SWEET TEA! The official drink of the South. We talked and caught up, telling our stories, even though we had already been catching up on Facebook. Even still, it's always nice to occupy the same physical location. Then on to Little Rock. This is where I was first stationed as a crew chief on C-130s back in 1999-2003.

This is where things really started getting interesting, but in a good way. So I rolled into Little Rock on Monday evening and stayed with my old friend Sam and his family. I have actually been corresponding more with his wife than with him, because he doesn't really do the Facebook thing much. So I got to there and we just sat and talked and caugth up as well. We had actually been kinda out of touch for almost ten years! So there was a lot of catching up to do. But having kids that needed to go to bed, we had to make it a bit of an early night so they could get to bed. So I went out to meet another old friend, Edward, for drinks.

Sam, Edward and I were all crew chiefs together back at The Rock, and I learned a few things from the two of them, who didn't work in the same circles... Long story short, I thought that people didn't take much issue with my sexuality but thought that I wasn't a very good crew chief. In reality, it was the other way around. Apparently I was hated for being gay, but did a very good job as a maintainer, which ultimately saved my career. I appears that I was investigated more than once fro Don't Ask, Don't Tell, but some unlikely, and unknown allies, went to bat for me. Thanks Edward.

As the story goes, Edward and I were in the same boat, but I was a lot more vocal about who I was than he. And I thought he hated me because I was gay, and I thought that he didn't think much of me as a crew chief, either. The fact that I had the hots for him, probably didn't help my case, either. But he told me the other night that I was brought up on charges a few times for my sexuality back then. I had no clue about any of it. I just went to work and worked hard to prove that I was a good crew chief. But behind the scenes the "good ol' boy" were gunning for me. He told me that at one point he was the swing vote that ultimately saved me from being brought up on charges. Just goes to show that you never know who people really are. Oh, and one other thing he told me that surpised the hell out of me was that people were jealous of me for having me degree already. I NEVER wanted people to think that I thought that I was better than them because I had gone to college already. I just wanted to be one of the guys. But he said people were jealous as all hell because I took that degree and got picked up for Officer Training School.

It's amazing how time and maturity can change a person and how you see them, how they might see you... And now, I count him as one who has my back, and therefore, I will have his. Funny story--the only time in the 4 years n the same squadron the he and I really worked together was at a Red Flag wargame exercise in Vegas back in the summer of 2000 or 2001. After a night of partying, we ended up having pancakes together and I was starting my whole, geet drunk and come out routine with him, bnut he wouldn't hear it. What he told me the other night cracke dme up--that if I had gone about coming out to him differently, then he and I could've been checking guys out together. I just about fell over when he told me that! I was not expecting that.

The next day (yesterday), Sam's wife, Shelly, took me to the base where I had been stationed 8 years ago. I was giddy as a school girl in a doll shop! It was so surreal being back there after so long gone... It felt like a lifetime ago, but just yesterday at the time. Everything had changed, yet stayed the same. The BX was in a new building, the planes were parked in different spots, the units had moved... And I just strolled down memory lane, recalling things I didn't even realize that I had forgotten.

Sam escorted me out to the flight line and I got to go onboard one of my old planes, but the highlight for me was seeing MY PLANE: 93-1040, The Deerslayer! She hit a deer on take-off and splattered it all inside the wheel wells... I LOVED my job back then. It was so incredible to go back to that feeling of pride and accomplishment, especially in light of revelation that people thought I was a good chief. It felt good. Validation after all these years.

Our visit came to an end, Shelly took me back to the house, I loaded up nad hit the road. I have to say that the drive from Knoxville to Little Rock was pretty boring. Not much to look at... Except for the DOZEN State Police that were all over the place! But the drive from Little Rock to DFW... Snooze... Right up until you cross the reservoir coming into the east side of Dallas. Then it's the terror of the Autobahn! Everyone drives as fast as possible, cutting in and out... I was white-knuckling the steering wheel all the way through to Arlington! Whew!

And here I am, stayed last night with my friend and former boss from Central Market, Karon. She's awesome. I got in and jumped right in the kitchen because I was so hungry. And Karon was secretly hoping I would cook. So I raided the fridge and pantry and this is what I came up with:

Pan seared pork chops in a red wine cream sauce
Rice Pilaf
Glazed Beets
Sauteed Green Beans

Self-evaluation: delicious! But the sauce needed more seasoning, but Karon ran out. Oops. But it really was tasty, and Karon really enjoyed it. Coworkers and children were jealous. Sorry guys! Next time.

And now I'm off to Central Market to see my people and get something to eat. Tonight--drinks at Rainbow Lounge! Stay tuned for more!

Stage Across America: Day 2

As you can imagine, internet access while traveling isn't always an easy proposition... And these last few days have been C-R-A-Z-Y!!!! But I finished out the block in Garde Manger with the completion of The Cheese Project and the final exam, finished packing up the rest of my things for the trip across the country right after midnight on Friday night, and finally sat down to relax for about an hour and a glass of merlot before bed. Woke up late due a power outage situation earlier in the week that reset my snooze to 9 minutes from 1 minute, and it was a mad dash to load the car, Tetris-style, and get on the road. But it all worked out in the end, like it always seems to do in my life... I have fallen on my face more times than I can count, but like a cat--I ALWAYS, somehow, manage to land on my feet and move on to the next. I will owe my guardian angels big time when I get to Heaven!

If you keep up with me on Facebook, you've heard all the stories of the Check Engine Light going on and off, the weather being cold and snowy (that which I'm trying to escape in NY by going to AZ), the back hills of Virginia and the natural beauty of our great nation, ANYTHING that involves Gracie, and all of the pictures I manage to snap along the way. But even more exciting, was last night with Mom and Jim, where, again posted on Facebook, they set me up in a hotel room (because mom is allergic to Gracie), took me out to dinner, and had an early Christmas back at their house (Gracie was in the hotel, watching Food Network, of course). Point is--they gave me an HD Still/Video camera so I can better document this experience of a lifetime! Who knows--maybe they just gave me they gift that could really help to launch my career. And if you wanna get really deep, what means to most about this gift to me is that is shows that they really think I can do something with this life path that I'm working on. Let's face it: in the past, I've had some pretty lofty dreams and half-assed plans of things that I was going to do, whether acting, modeling, writing (I mean in Hemingway calibre), becoming a personal trainer (at one point)... And they knew all too well that most likely nothing wold come of any of it. I was just trying to figure out what to do... But now I'm doing this and they gave me an expensive tool to help me along. They believe. At long last, I have my mother's approval.

Like I said--heavy heavy. So back to the Trip of a Lifetime! My STAGE ACROSS AMERICA! Watch out, Food Network! If you don't pick me up, Bravo might! Or are they both under the same company? I don't know... I'm only going to have one Stage on the way to Arizona, and that's back at my old job at Central Market in Fort Worth, Tx. But this first part of the journey is going to be all about trying to fine tune and focus how I'm going to document the next 5 months. I know I need to keep up daily, and I will try harder than I have ever have before. I'm truly committed to this experience! So here's the thing--I think that once I figure out how to USE that camera, I'll be switching my format from the typed word to a video diary, via Facebook... Perhaps I'll go back and forth between video diary and blog. I just don't know yet. But UNTIL I have the video situation all figured out ( I think I need one of those Apple Store tutoring sessions... Maybe more than one...), I will continue to write. And if you're really interested, keep up on Facebook as well. That is where I'll put the pictures and the more immediate and shorter content items. I'll reserve the blogosphere for more in-depth explanation and rumination.



So here we are: Stage Across America Day 2. Day 1 was driving from Hyde Park (school) to Williamsburg, Va. Note--when driving through MD, DON'T SPEED! The state has cameras hooked up to speed radars that when triggered, will take a picture of your license plate and mail you the speeding ticket. My roommate showed me that... And then I saw the equipment in the big construction zones. And basically, the drive from Baltimore, Md to Manassas in norther Virginia sucks. Except for maybe 2 am on a Sunday night/Monday morning.

But today saw more promise and, oddly, better driving conditions, even if was through the Appalachians in the snow. Very scenic and beautiful. It's amazing how shifting your life perspective changes how you see things. There was something of fascination or rural beauty around seemingly every bend! And I just can't help but feel the urge to document all of the minutiae. While driving today, I felt compelled to Facebook about almost every little thing, like I was having a personal conversation with 1500 people. I know--stay off the phone while driving. But would have told Hemingway to stop writing while drinking??

So now that I have that caught up, at least for now, it's time to unwind for bed. I feel some Hulu coming on!

Grand Buffet has gone away

Today was the last Thursday of the block, which always means Grand Buffet. Grand Buffet is where the Garde Manger (pronounced guard mon-zhay) classes put out a feast of hors d'oeuvres and appetizers. AM and PM, 2 classes each, 6 teams per class, 6 dishes per team= a LOT of food... Takes a week to put it all together... See the pics on Facebook. Whew... Glad that's over. Good feeling of accomplishment. My team served yup a rabbit pie in parmesan prosciutto crust, duck and pasta salad, and I made the Farro Salad (a grain similar to rice or wheat, aka Spelt) with lots of fresh veg and a light vinaigrette, Artichoke and Roasted Bell Pepper Salad, Broccoli Rabe Salad, and a Whole Smoked Ham that we brined for 10 days and then smoked all day. It was delish!

Tomorrow brings The Cheese Project--a paper and a presentation with Power Point and a tasting of the cheese, which is very similar to parmesan, called Piave from Italy. Mostly done, just a little tweaking in the morning with my team. And the final exam... 40 question scantron... I hope I do well. I think I'm on the border of A-/B+ AGAIN. Can't I just get a solid A??

And I'm only 33 hours away from departure. Car is good to go, Grace got to the vet, and I have to get a shot tomorrow myself. Get done with the day and come home to finish packing. Making it through the week ok! Except for the fact that it's 22F outside... :( I haven't had to scrape frost off my car windows in a very long time...

Only 57 hours left, New York!

What a day... Up early and finding out that my car is ok, if you saw it on Facebook this morning. BUT I still have to take it to the shop in the morning for an oil change and a check up. Then GRAND BUFFET!!! ARRRRGH! So much pressure to be perfect... I'm cooking for a Top Chef! Amendment, I'm cooking for ME, but Chef Lynne Gigliotti from Top Chef, D.C. is my instructor... MUCHO RESPECT, CHEF! And that only just hit me as I sit here and watching Top Chef All Stars and she messaged me on Facebook... BUT, I have to say, taking charge of Grand Buffet for my team and working my ass off like I do, I feel confident that it'll be a win. I have cooked my ASS off this week... And it's been hard getting my team to function as such on some fronts...

Friday brings doctor appointments for both Gracie and me, and then Cheese Project Day and Final exam... Somewhere, I have to find time to pack and load the car... Stay tuned for that challenge...

And the common sense factor still eludes my class... I'm so LOVE-HATE with them... I love them outside of class and wouldn't say an ill word, but professionally speaking, in class, I really don't know how some of them will even survive externship! I really don't...

NO MATTER WHAT--I will NEVER stop loving what I do. Today I really poured myself into my food and wrapped myself up in my own little world. Prepping, cooking, and tune in my head and singing to myself while I work. Not work... COOK. I am so fortunate to have discovered my passion and found the courage to pursue it! Everyone should be so lucky!

So with Top Chef All Stars over for the night, sorry Elia!, It's DVD time. Why Did I Get Married? Such a great movie. Highly recommended from a movie eficionado... :)

Stay tuned for the next episode!

CHECK ENGINE LIGHT! Perfect timing

3.5 days from know, Im supposed to be rounding NYC on my way to my mom's house in Colonial Williamsburg, VA for the first leg of my trip out west. Status report: as many of you know, my check engine light came on today as I was driving to school from Red Hook after paying a bill (that's another story...). After posting on Facebook about it, I got many responses offering to check the gas cap to make sure it was tight, and that it could just be an O2 or CO2 sensor, or an emission issue. Not something that would cripple the car, but enough to make me leery about driving to AZ. But I have no choice--I have to move out of my current place, I have to get out there, I have to start working so I can have the money to get the car fixed. It's a Catch 22... So I'm meeting my boss at work early tomorrow morning because he has one of those code readers to try and figure out what's wrong. Additionally I have an appointment at the car shop on Thursday in case something needs to get fixed, and I also need the oil changed.

So I had to pay a bill up in Red Hook and the lady at the desk was just, like whatever. I try asking her for help and she just looked at me and said that she didn't know what I wanted, who I was supposed to talk to, where I was supposed to go... I had to make a phone call and go back and forth. What should've taken 2 seconds took 25 minutes. Ended up being late to work... And that's how the rest of the day felt. You know that feeling? Like waking up late and the rest of the day you're trying to play catch-up.

And then in class, I messed up my mustard twice. The first time, I over cooked it and curdled the eggs. Then I realized I was using the wrong mustard to begin with... Ugh. But I managed to pull it out and get it together in the end. Even got ahead! Just gotta hunker down and bang it out!

And I have to just say this--I wish there was more common sense in the world... If there is a display on a piece of equipment, it obviously is getting power and you don't need to check the outlet. If the sink only has 3 inches of cold, dirty water in it, then whatever you're washing ISN'T getting clean. If 3 things all need to get cold smoked, why not set up the large smoker instead of the small one? There aren't any mise en place cups--have you WASHED any? I'm just saying...

ANd on that note, at this hour, with so much on my stressed mind, I'm going to turn off the lights and the computer and veg for a little before beddy. G'night!

P.S.--I'M SOOOOO EXCITED ABOUT PHOENIX!!!

T minus 5 days!

Good evening my friends--

Only 5 days left till the Odyssey across the country begins! Wrapping up loose ends around here... Paying some bills, Gracie to the vet, World AIDS Day observances... Everything listed before. Busy busy!

I have to say--having Chef Gigliotti has been amazing. She is so knowledgable and seems to enjoy teaching, so long as we're quiet... Lol. And she's funny, and laughs at my really bad puns...

Homework done, time to relax. :)

VICTORY IS MINE!

Good evening my friends!

So after all of that worry and conjecture, I managed to fit everything into the 5x5 storage unit. Granted, at first look, my roommate, his friend with the pick-up truck, and I all agreed that I would need the 5x10 unit so we started moving in. But then, after another trip to the house I could see that it would be a very close call. Since Rob and Mark had to get back to the firehouse, I was on my own and had to move everything from the 5x10 to the 5x5 around the corner. After a good wrestling session and a few choice expletives, it's all in there. Next challenge will be loading the car with what's left...

In a correspondence with my Exec Sous Chef at the resort, he informed me that I'll be starting out in Sprouts, the Spa restaurant with health food. I'm pretty excited! I don't really know a whole lot about spa food and healthy options... I have the worst diet... But in this day, healthy options is the way to go.

List of things to do this week:
Prep for Grand Buffet
Get the Cheese Project sorted out
Meet with university staff about rededicating the plaza with flagpole, as Veterans Memorial Plaza
Take Grace to the vet for shots
Work
Change my address w school so they can send my W-2 for taxes
World AIDS Day observances on Tuesday night with the chorus and Alliance, and Wednesday night with Alliance as a guest speaker'
Get to the VA for a shot myself
HIT THE ROAD !!

Wow--busy week...

Getting ready to embark on the adventure of a lifetime!

Hello everyone, and thanks for tuning in!

So I'm getting this up and going more. I've been promising for forever, but now I have to make sure I sit down make time for this everyday. So It starts today--Taking a break from packing, grabbing a couple slices of pizza from Coco's here in Hyde Park. Good pizza! I have the Music Choice Hits channel on the tv and jamming out to Gaga, Katie Perry, Fall Out Boy, Black Eyed Peas, et al... Need to sort out what goes and what stays and hope I have enough room between the car and the storage unit. The only things I'm taking with me are Gracie, of course, and my knives and uniforms, my laptop, a few dvds and clothes. Everything else goes into the 5x5x12' storage unit... Kitchen, the rest of the dvds, memoribilia, and whatever else.

The purpose of this trip, as many of you know, is my 4.5 month externship at the JW Marriott Camelback Inn Resort and Spa in Scottsdale, AZ. Mr Marriott takes his family there for his birthday in March every year... It's a gorgeous resort!

I'll be living at the Capri on Camelback apartments near the intersection of Camelback and N 40th (I think...) and they look like a resort themselves!

While there, I'll be rotating through all 5 restaurants at the resort, which include BLT Steak, an American bistro, the spa restaurant... different styles of cuisine, so I'll get the opportunity to learn a LOT. Of course one of the biggest things will be doing Banquets and Catering. You learn SO MUCH from those...

After my externship, I'm going to Stage Across America (stage is pronounced stahj). A stage is where a culinary student goes and works for a restaurant for free to get the experience, and the restaurant gets free labor for a night. It's a mutually beneficial arrangement. I plan to stage at several locations across the country to learn about those regions cuisines--that will help me tremendously in planning for my Restaurant Group, since I want to specialize in American Regional cuisine. My journey from NY will take me to AZ via NJ, DE, MD, DC, VA, TN, AR, TX, and NM and I'll get to see friends and family en route. When I leave AZ, I will take 3 weeks to drive to Vegas, San Francisco, Napa, Portland, Seattle, Spokane, Yellowstone, Mt Rushmore and Devil's Tower, Minneapolis, MIlwaukee, Chicago, Ann Arbor and Philadelphia... It's going to be one HELL of a trip with just me and Gracie in the Kia! Something like 30 states in total on this trip, before arriving back at school.

Please follow along as I document this experience! I hope to get a video camera and also keep a video diary and link this blog and the video diary on YouTube to my Facebook page. Food Network? Are you there?

Gay Crisis in the 21st Century

My Fellow Americans,

I write this in dire times. Several young men have taken their lives due to bullying over their sexuality. I, too, was bullied growing up: called names like faggot and faerie and homo. In second grade! My first crush was on Mark Schumaker and he tortured me with name-calling. This was I fought through every time we moved to new base. But it was at this base in Hawaii where I had my first crush on the class bully, that the next year, I was molested by the 15 year old boy who lived at the other end of our building. It happened for a year. I had no one to turn to because I was ashamed, felt dirty, and didn't know where to turn. So I just put up with it until finally, his family moved away.

I didn't have very many friends and was usually the outcast. I walked down the hall looking down at the floor, only far enough ahead to avoid walking into anything. I barely spoke to anyone and wished desperately to be accepted and be one of the popular kids. But I didn't know how... I had no self-confidence, didn't feel as though I had any support at home, ostracized and alone. I contemplated suicide regularly for years, all the way up until my mid twenties, but I was always too chickenshit to actually go through with it. And these stories have never before been told, until now.

Being called faggot and faerie and homo in second grade is when I went into the closet and hid there for half my life. I learned early on that being gay was "wrong" and that I was supposed to like girls, and that liking girls was "normal," and so I despised myself for always wanting to look at the boy when I couple walked down the street.

Round about sixth grade, I found my dad's adult collection, and again, found myself more drawn to the images of the men than the women, as I started exploring my own sexuality. But again, I was "wrong and abnormal" for so doing, and so I began to lead a double life within my own self--on the outside, I tried to be what was expected, and this is what drove me through high school, college, and my time in the Air Force: straight, involved in everything--in high school, I did 3 sports, yearbook, worked in the student store, drama, chorus, anything and everything to get my faced splashed on the pages of the yearbook, because I thought that made you popular. I even ran for student government, but never won and wasn't popular enough to be elected to any of the formal dance courts. I think now, looking back, that I was the ONLY one of my friends who wasn't! Wow, reflection can be a bitch sometimes...

But on the inside, I was crushing on boys at school who, whenever I saw them, my heart pounded at the thought of, "what if they liked guys, too...?" Fantasies abounded, even with some of my friends! But I could never tell anyone that. I was going to go into the Air Force and fly planes, and Don't Ask, Don't Tell wasn't even around yet. I'll discuss THAT later... But that was the hell I lived in every single day

Then I got to college and met a guy in the chorus. Without exploring the details, I'll just say that I lost my virginity with him, and began to experience and experiment. It was a brief affair, after which my closeted reputation started to once again make an appearance so I had to work twice as hard to fight that off, being that I was at a military college, pursuing a commission through ROTC. Having that reputation was simply unacceptable. So the next year, when that same guy came to me again, I turned on him and tried to bring him up and sexual harassment charges, thinking that would clear MY name... Nothing came of it, thankfully, and I have since apologized profusely to him, and apologized to me for trying to pressure me into something I wasn't ready then to deal with. At least that ended on a high note.

But I was still grappling with my inner demons, lusting for men... And there were a couple of clumsy experiences behind locked doors at hotel parties and that sort of thing, but other than the three times with that first guy, I was asexual right up through the end of my SIXTH year of college. In that time, however, I "tried" to have sex with girls, but it just didn't ring my bell and it never worked out. I have no regrets about that, because now I'm a "Gold-Star Gay." Pure. Hahaha.

And home life was still non-supportive, making it harder. I had no one to talk to about how I felt. I didn't know how to deal with my emotions. Growing up in a family of six, I always felt like my older sister was daddy's little girls, younger sister was mommy's little girl, and younger brother was the baby. I had the middle child syndrome, fighting for attention. And I acted out a few times: shoplifting gum from the military Shoppette (which got my dad in trouble), tried running away from home, faked an attempted kidnapping (again, on base and involving military police)--all in the hopes that my family would learn to appreciate having me around.

This is embarrassing to tell, but it's part of who I am today. And I wouldn't change a thing, because as they say, that which does not kill us... It taught me self-reliance: that I couldn't count on anyone but myself, and so I started building my inner strength. I was very fortunate in my last two years of high school to fall into a group of friends who were "outcasts" like me for one reason or another--the skaters, metal heads, slackers, the non-populars (non-pops). As it turned out, these were the people who didn't care about keeping up appearances and fitting in. They had the strength of mind to be who they were, dictates be damned. And ironically, it was we misfits who became the majority, and therefore the in-crowd. And I was part of that. but I still had proving to do to be cool, so when living in Europe, you do as they do--drink. Lots. I made for a lot of high school stories, the most famous of which was junior/senior prom my junior year when I threw up on the vice-principle and my dad had to come and pick me up. It was a dark night. But it's an amusing story for another time.

And finally, there were the suicide "attempts"... The first in college: I was so upset with who I was on the inside, and talking to my mom, who it seems rather enjoys throwing my short-comings back in my face like a weapon, was absolutely no help. So I ran down to the train tracks and laid down, waiting for the evening train to come through. I had had enough. But it was my younger sister, also attending college, was brought out from her job at the pizzeria in town, and talked me off the tracks. The second, and last time was less than a year after enlisting in the Air Force. At this point, I had come out to my mother, unbeknownst to me that she had just rediscovered Jesus after being Buddhist for more than 15 years. I thought of all people, that I could tell her, and I was afraid to tell my dad. As it turns out, my dad is completely fine with it, but my mom... that was a rough time. And I came out as being "bi," but that was just my attempt at trying to hold on to a life that never really existed. To complicate things, I had a crush like I had never had before on a guy who strung me along with platitudes of, "I'm curious about guys, and if I ever were to cross that line, I would trust it to be with you," type of talk. Which really screwed me up in the head. And my jealousy over his girlfriend consumed me. Ultimately, I took a couple of handfuls of Tylenol and Benedryl and washed them down with a lot of beer. Enter accute nephritis--kidney failure. I landed in the hospital for a eight days, but no one knew why, until my posting this.

So what's my point with this diatribe: Kids out there, wherever you are, you are NOT alone! We've all been through it in some form at some point in our lives. I am now in culinary school and I love who I am, I love my life, I am surrounded by the love of MANY friends and family and my life has never been so rich! I have a bright future ahead and I'm excited as to where life will take me. You need to find that passion and let THAT be your motivation, not the sadness of social ostracism. If some people don't like you, oh well. It's their loss, not yours. There are others out there who will love and embrace you for who you are. Just get out there and find them. Wrap yourself up in them like a blanket. You'll find comfort, joy, peace, and acceptance. You just just have to make it through the hard parts and you'll get to the good parts.

With the gay torture case in the Bronx--gang members cutting with box cutters, burning with cigarettes, beating and sodomizing with wooden plunger handles, the gays that they captured; with Paladino, the republican candidate for NY state governor, spewing forth his acrid anti-gay hatred which Palin supports; with the antiquated Don't Ask Don't Tell policy in the military--it started out as a first step by removing the "are you gay" question off of the entrance interview, but now it's long overdue to take the next step and repeal DADT all together and allow LGBT soldiers, sailors, airmen, and marines to serve openly and proudly--It's time more now than ever to fight for our equal rights. Sexual orientation needs to be added to the protected status against discrimination, just as race, gender, color, or creed. The time is now, America. NO MORE HATE. SAVE OUR YOUTH.

An Important Message

I just stepped out on the balcony for a cigarette after watching The Bucket List for the first time. It's a chilly, moist night, and by most standards, many would call it not so nice. But as I stood there in silence, enjoying an occasional vice, it occurred to me: even if it's overcast and humid with another chance for rain, it's a beautiful night. I can't see any stars, save one in the southern sky, although I think I was actually Mars. It's cool and damp, yes, but it's also serenely quiet, save the singing of the crickets and the random passing of a car driving by on the next street over behind my house. There is a light mist or fog hovering, that from standing up on the balcony looking down could look creepy if in a cemetery, but in my back yard, it's like a blanket covering the ground.

I take another drag of my cigarette as I also take in the night and I start thinking. Appreciating the wonder of the under-appreciated night. And I reflect--something most so rarely do in this day of drive-thrus, IMs and NetFlix. What do I find? I find thankfulness to God, Mother, The Universe, or whatever deity may be out there watching over and protecting us all, but also to my family and friends. I love every person who has touched my life, because with you in my life, I have become the man that I am today. Having taken so much for granted along the way, I think about things I've done, places I've been, people I've known, and realize, I have done so much in my life that I didn't ever realize I wanted, but in a roundabout sort of way.

As a child, I dreamt of so many things, that as a grown-up (if you can call me that) I thought I'd never get to do. I'd lost my chance. But it occurs to me,that things that I always wanted, I've had in one form or another. I wanted to be an astronaut. I'm not, but I've experienced weightlessness in the back of a C-130 flying parabolas. I wanted to be a lawyer. I'm just good at arguing and persuasion. I wanted to be a doctor. I know enough about first aid and CPR to help people, and I've used them both, as well as been a blood donor. I wanted to be president. I am. Of the chorus and the veterans association here at school. I wanted to be a pilot. I have flown a Cessna from take off to landing, with an instructor next to me, thanks to the Air Force. I've accomplished more than I've given myself credit for.

But one of the major dreams is to be someone who is remembered or having contributed to the human race. Sounds rather, yes. But then something happened to me a few weeks ago... An old from m college days, whom I had lost touch with, found me on Facebook, and he lives about 30 minutes away. So we got together one weekend and he told me that back in college, he looked up to me. That my attitude of not caring what other people thought about me (in truth, I did back then, but I guess I didn't let on) inspired him to be his own person and not care what others thought. That's not word for word, of course, but that was the message I received. It really touched me. I never saw myself as being much of an influential person, especially then. I was so young and unsure of myself, at least I thought so at the time.

Point is, there is so much in life that I have taken for granted, or just plain didn't recognize was happening to me. I am eternally thankful for every experience in my life, because I am no longer the suicidal, post-pubescent mess that I was for so many years. The old adage, that which doe not kill us... It's so true. I've been to hell and back, and only a handful have any idea just how bad things have been for me at times. But I've powered through. I REFUSE to fail. I REFUSE to give up. I REFUSE to let life pass me by... I have many years left before me and I will suck the marrow out of life and live each moment as best and as full as I can.

So what do I have now? The best dog anyone could EVER dream of. A new direction in life, attending The Culinary, and a tremendous success laid before me. It will happen, I have NO doubts. I have a slew of friends who truly care about me and for all of you, I'm forever in your debt for standing by me thru the crazy times, and supporting me in my future endeavors. A family that, although they don't all subscribe fully to my life, love me nonetheless.

I WILL have my restaurant empire. I WILL be a philanthropist fighting for American education and LGBTQ equality, and fighting against homelessness and hunger on our OWN soil. I WILL be a place to turn for troubled youth to find safety, solace and shelter when they have had backs turned to them. I will be a true American fighting for our inalienable human rights against ALL enemies, foreign and domestic, including domestic violence. I have been through all of these on my own and these causes, as well as healthcare to fight cancer, Alzheimer's, HIV/AIDS, and addiction, are near and dear to my heart.

I pledge to you, America, that I will do everything I can in this short life to make your lives better.

This I swear.

Sorry for the delay!

Hello all. I apologize for the delay, but school comes first! And I've been busy since getting back from summer break... Between school, work, and president of 2 clubs (one of which I just got formed and still trying to get up and running), I've had a full plate. But things are starting to normalize now, so I should be getting back to writing more frequently. When last I wrote, before summer vacation, I was talking about my friend and roommate, Cory, who killed himself in the garage, and I was on the front lawn with his family as the emergency services personnel take away his body. If you're just starting to read, be sure to start from the beginning. It's not that far back...

Emergency services had gone, and I had explained to the neighbors that Cory killed himself, and that he wasn't murdered, since people were nervous about the recent crime wave of break-ins in our area. Cory's family was on the front lawn with me and Gracie, and we were just trying to figure out what to do next. With Cory being the owner of the house now dead, we didn't know what was going to happen to the house. Ultimately, thankfully, Cory's stepdad, Wayne, and I came to an agreement that I could live there rent free, but have to pay for my own utilities while he and Cory's mom figured out what was going to happen to the house. And of course, this is where banking bureaucracy displays its finest.

But I am getting off work now, and have to take my car to the shop to get the rear window reinstalled properly. Another story from my time in Fort Worth.

To Be Continued...

Vacation So Far! In A Nutshell...

I LOVE NYC! Never a dull moment, especially when driving... Speaking of, some adventures so far: drive to Newark on Wednesday, Mario has to go on an overnight trip and I have to meet him at the airport to get the keys. I bounce the front left wheel off a curb while looking at iPhone GPS and lose the hubcap. I was also lost... Party with flight attendants till dawn. Car got towed: $200. Barhopping Hell's Kitchen, NYC, run into Chris Fasulo at Valada. Party till dawn again. Drive to NYC Friday, forgot my phone charger at Mario's. U-turn at the Holland Tunnel. Construction, rush hour, lost, Meadowlands. How did I get here?? Met Deana Hare from SHAPE for dinner, over 2 hrs late. Great catching up! Congrats on Baby Boy due in the spring! Can't believe it's been almost 20 years... Drive to Brooklyn and meet Michael Milliken-Moon, Eric Milliken-Moon's husband. Went to high school with Eric at SHAPE, as well. Eric is on a trip, Michael and I hang out after bringing in my stuff from the car. In the pouring rain from the giant storm that rolled in as I pulled up. Soaked... Gracie and Hugo meet, and they are both the alpha. I coupe of fights ensue. Take turns caging the dogs... Michael goes to bed, Eric gets home late and we chat over the last (almost) 20 years. Up in the morning, take the dogs to Central Park. It was 97F... Very hot day. Pick up Michael at work and drive down the East side to the Brooklyn Bridge. I'm such a tourist, taking pictures of everything with my iPhone. I'll get them uploaded. Promise! Lunch, naps, shower, dinnertime. Who knows what's next for tonight, but Eric sounds ready to go out! I'm up for another round! Tomorrow--Marshfield, south of Boston to stay with April and NIck for a week. Can't wait! Cory flies in on Thursday and we're all going to a Tigers/Red Sox game. Cory and I in Detroit, April and Nick in Boston attire. It'll be a great time! While I'm at April and Nick's, I need to refresh my studying and get ready for back to school. Practice my damn consomme... I'll also get going back with the blog! Sorry to leave you hanging, but this is my first vacation in 7.5 years, and I'm seeing family as well as friends from high school, college, the Air Force, post-Air Force San Antonio, and ran into a friend from the Hudson Valley. Every chapter of my life from high school, on... What a great time!

Cory Is Dead

I pulled up in the neighbor's yard, left Gracie in the back seat and ran around the car... As I said, Cory was dead on the floor of the garage, laying there looking as though he was just passed out. The door was wide open, but hanging down a little bit because it was opened with the emergency release cord that disengaged the door from the opener. His trucked was pulled in, and he was laying by the tailpipe on the passenger side of his beat-up, dark green Ford Ranger. Cracked windows, dents, chipped paint... But it got him around.

He was only wearing a long pair of blue work out shorts with a white stripe down the side of the legs, and his skin was a grayish color... almost the same shade as the as the smooth concrete floor of the garage. He was covered in a green tarp, but it wasn't quite big enough to cover him over completely. He was on his back, head tot he right and his left arm, chest and face were exposed. There seemed to be a large dark spot on his side, which as it turned out was bruising or burning from the defibrillator. He just looked asleep. I yelled at the emergency services personnel to cover him, or take him off the floor, but they couldn't. It was still considered a crime scene until they could interview me, which was the next order of business.

The cop in the suit asked who I was, I told him, and he asked me if I could get into his car so he could ask me some questions. In all honestly, I have only a vague recollection, but I'm sure it was the standard line of questioning. I remember him asking if he could record the conversation for accuracy and I agreed. How do I know Cory--I am, was, his roommate. I had to correct myself. How long had I know him--about four months. Did he have any enemies, owe any money, have a drug problem--no, not that I knew of. He was an assistant manager at Sonic, worked nights to close, and went to the gym. Same thing everyday that he worked. The whole time, all I wanted was for them to cover Cory's body. I had to ask again, "is he really dead?" Yes. He was really dead... And I had to hold up my hand to block the view so I couldn't see his body laying there.

Little did I realize that his family was also there, sitting on the front lawn. His mother, step-father, aunt, best friend, and his identical twin brother... That was the erie part... I was done in the police cruiser and got out, met the family for the first time, and offered my condolences. His mother's face was riddles with tear lines, and she looked exasperated. Worn out. His aunt, who was actually a friend of his mother's since high school, was very kind. She was strong. Shaken, you could tell. Obviously. But she still had it together. Wayne, the step-father was down the side of the house on his cell phone, talking to someone, and the best friend was sitting on the retaining wall next to Cory's mom. Cody, Cory's twin, was standing. We introduced ourselves, shook hands, and I had to look away. I had to apologize to him because I couldn't look him in the face. I was just so surreal.

Then I remembered that Gracie was still in the back seat of the car, so I went and brought her over. Animals are always good therapy, and Gracie is the best. She knew people were sad, and she went to each of them, nudged at them, licked them, and just sat with them all, as if to offer her condolences as well.

The emergency services personnel were finally cleared to take Cory away. In a small cul de sac, there were almost as many police cars and emergency vehicles as there were driveways... An ambulance was in front of the house as well as a CSI truck. The doors were all open and they were all carrying all sorts of tool boxes and brief cases and apparatus, and then came the gurney and the body bag... Step-dad took mom down the side of the house so she wouldn't see. She never saw Cory's body. Twin, aunt, friend and I all stood together and watched as they lowered the gurney beside Cory, carefully removed the tarp that only half covered him, and laid the body bag right next to him, opening it up wide. Then two large men in uniforms positioned them selves at each end, head and foot, and took hold: one under his shoulders, one by the ankles. Two others helped, one to stabilize his head and the other helping to move his hips as they placed him on the body bag. They were very careful and respectful. And not a sound was made by anyone. Even Gracie, who at this point was tied to the small tree in the front yard, stop moving and laid down and just watched. They covered over the top flap of the bag and zipped it up. It's a truly heavy duty zipper with that loud sound that you hear on tv... I didn't know, but there are actually loops--handles--on the corners of the bag, and the two large men picked Cory up and placed him on the gurney. raised it up, and rolled him into the back of the ambulance. Closed the doors and started on their way. The police finished up what they had to do and were on their way as well.

It was just me and the family, with every neighbor looking on from their front lawns. Once again, the military training took over, and I shut off the emotion. In that neighborhood, where houses (including ours just the Friday night before) and cars were getting broken into, the neighbors were all understandably curious and I knew exactly why. I had felt it necessary to go over to one group on the neighbors' lawn and explain that Cory wasn't murdered, but that he had committed suicide. I couldn't believe that I had to explain that. But everyone was very consoling. People I'd never spoken to were now very supportive.

And now it was time to sort out the house. What was going to happen to the house since Cory owned it and was now dead. And as ugly as it was, where I was going to live and take care of Gracie? There was the funeral, the mortgage, the utilities, and of course, the emotional aftermath. So many questions--what happened, how, when, WHY???

The Story of Cory

When last I left you, I was on my way home after getting the news that Cory was dead. I picked up Gracie from the groomer and raced home, oblivious to the world around me, my head racing with thoughts and possible images of what to expect, almost hyperventilating, fighting to compartmentalize the fear, pain, sadness, choking back the inevitable tears... I had to just get home and see what's what for myself; still holding on to denial, refusing to really believe that it was true, trying to wrap my mind around the possibility...

The drive seemed to take hours, and I drove the route as I had done so many times before without a thought. Interstate 30 East, exiting at Brentwood Stair Road, and turning left at the light at the end of the exit ramp, heading down the hill. Past the income tax office, the liquor store, the car wash, the Section 8 apartments, turning right on to Wilson Road at the gas station. Heading up another hill to the stop sign next to the golf course, where the flock of pheasant waddled around. Left turn on Jenson Road, passing the golf course and coming up on Meadow Court. Where I was to turn left to get home.

Meadow Court was a cul de sac right bedside the golf course that was pretty quiet, for the most part. Well, except for the drug dealing house right at the end of the cul de sac... Allegedly... On the side backing up to the golf course, there was some sort of policeman, or something, that lived right across the street from the house. He drove some kind of undercover cruiser, the white Crown Victoria with cop tires and red and blue lights behind the front grill and always parked in the driveway because the garage had become a workshop. There was the nice african-american, middle-aged mom, single as best as I could discern, next door to him to the right. Next door to us on the right was the nice young couple with a newborn, and usually had cars, car parts, a boat, or a very large dog in the driveway. He was a talented auto mechanic in the process of restoring a classic something, or other... I think it was a late 60'/early 70's model Chevelle, but I'm not that car savvy. On the other side of us was the nice latino family. The gay older brother and the straight younger brother, the mother who was staying with them because she was divorcing her bipolar husband, and the younger sister who stopped by often with her friends.

That was the kind of everyday people that lived there. There was the odd crime--cars or houses broken into, in fact ours was broken into just the Friday night before. I got off of work at 11pm and few of us went to a friend's house house for a couple of beers. When I got home, the garage door was wide open and all of the lights in the house were off. We were also in the bad habit of not setting the house alarm or locking the door from the garage to the laundry room... So I pulled into the driveway and pulled my 8" chef's knife and 8" serrated knife out of my bag from work, and went into the house through the garage door into the laundry room, turning on every light as I went, paranoid that someone was in the house.

My first thought observed that to door from the garage to the laundry room was closed, but from the laundry room into the house was open. We always left that door closed... Strike two.... So I screamed Gracie's name. The most important thing at that point was that she was ok. I held my breath waiting to hear from her, but she doesn't bark. I was listening for the click of her claws on the bare floor and the jingle of her dog tags. No sound... I called again louder into the dark house with only the light from the garage and the laundry room lighting the hallway to the bedrooms. Then the click click click click of Gracie trotting to the door. What a sigh of relief that she was not only there, but ok.

I closed the doors behind me, closing Gracie into the laundry room as I searched the house room by room, turning on every light as I went, knives in one hand, cell phone with 9-1-1 dialed and ready to call in the other. Hallway--clear. Foyer and front closet--clear. Living room, kitchen/dining room--clear. I made sure the back door from the living room to back yard was locked. I'm not a girl from a horror movie... Then the scary part--the bedrooms... The first bedroom (where Patrick lived)--I threw open the door and reached inside to turn on the light fast and jumped back. seeing it was clear, I checked the closet and behind the open closet door. Then my bedroom next door, checking behind the door and in the closet... Clear. Heart pounding out of my chest, trying to breathe, but not wanting to be heard... The bathroom, opening the shower curtain, even though it was pretty much see-through... Still, had to make sure. And worst of all--Cory's room at the end of the hall. His room had a little bit of an entrance way, opening to the left, closet to the right. I reach in to turn on the light on the left, and the closet light on the right, again, jumping back in so doing. Through the bedroom to his bathroom, which was pitch black, and the light switches were inside and around to the right. There were several switches for two lights, the heat light, exhaust, heat... I fumbled frantically for all of them. All clear. Last thought--the back yard... Also all clear. Whew!

No one in the house, 9-1-1 called and en route, tried contacting Cory, which it turns out was at the gym and hadn't been home. Asked the neighbors if the knew or saw anything, and the only answer I got was from the latino family next door: when they got home at 6pm, the door was closed. When their friends showed up for movies at 9pm, the door was open. They just figured that we were cleaning out the garage or something, since we both held such odd schedules... The odd thing was that there was nothing missing. All I could figure was that whoever entered the house got scared when Gracie came a-runnin' and maybe barking... Scared them away and they pulled the door to the garage closed behind them so she wouldn't get to them. Even though all shed do is lick them... After that, the doors were locked, alarm code set, and lights in the backyard left on around the clock.

So as you can imagine, less than a week later I had to come home to a call that Cory was dead... I pulled into our cul de sac, which was lined on both sides of the street with police cars, emergency services, and CSI vehicles, as well as every neighbor standing on their front lawns looking at the house. I pulled in slowly looking up and down the court and the faces all turned to look at me as I drove past. Pointing, whispering to each other. I couldn't see the scene through all of the vehicles and people until...

I drive past the last car blocking the view, and there he was... The garage door was open, but not all the way. Cory was on the floor of the garage, half covered in a tarp that someone found... His family was sitting on the front lawn--mom, stepdad, identical twin brother, aunt, and best friend--sitting on the retaining wall between our yard and the yard next door where the latino family lived out of sight from the garage... But I saw Cory laying there, and he just looked like he was asleep. Although grayish in color... I was starting to lose it. Tears, emotion, compartmentalization failing, Cory was lying cold on a cold cement garage floor, half-dressed, half-covered. I was still driving. Sort of. I think I could have totaled my car when I slammed into the curb, parking the car in the yard and throwing the transmission into park while the car was still moving...

I jumped out, running around the car to the driveway to see closer... And then the cop in a suit grabbed my arm, asked my name, and I just started to cry. It was true. It seemed true... Cory was dead in the garage. Only half-covered with a green tarp. I was so angry! It was so disrespectful! I yelled at them to cover him! I yelled! I screamed! I cried! Any strength I had to get there and compartmentalize and maintain was now completely gone. Cory was gone. My landlord. My roommate. My friend. He was gone. And a part of me with him. I knew him for so brief a time, but he touched my life. My soul. He was a gentle, troubled man who had been through more than most... Little did I know...

And at that, I'll bid you all good evening and pleasant dreams and I thank you for reading. I humbly ask that if you're reading, please list yourself as a follower. I appreciate your interest. I just need to stop for tonight...

Sorry for the delay!

Good evening again!

Tomorrow is the last day of Skills I and then we're on Summer Break for 3.5 weeks! We had the written final today and I feel pretty good about it. I know I got at least 2 wrong, but there are a lot of points out there. So here's hoping.

7/11/10 10:30pm

This page has been sitting on my laptop for days, and I have yet to finish and get it posted. But in my defense, I've been busy jumping on projects and getting errands done. Gracie is all groomed, as well a princess should well be. ;-) My baby comes first! But I just want to get this up before it gets any later.

To finish up what was in the beginning of this post, I DID finish Skills I and I got another A! Well, A-, but I'll take it! I got a 90% on the written final for brains farts, honestly... And on the cooking final, we were to, in 3 hours, make consomme (my nemesis!), Espagnole Sauce (one of the 5 mother sauces), Hollandaise (another other sauce) , green veg (broccoli), white veg (cauliflower)--there are specific ways to cook veggies (heavily salted boiling water for green, boiling water w acid w/ lid on for white)--, and mayonnaise. Mayo is soooo easy!!! But damn the consomme! It was cloudy, AGAIN, so this time I tried to re-clarify. Successfully, I might add, but in the process, I lost my yield... Instead of a quart, I only got a bowl! And in my panic to get it right, I forgot to reheat... so it wasn't up to temp. BUT everything else for the day was perfect! So I got a 90% for the day. Again, I'll take it!

So there's finishing that stream. We're on summer break now and I've been enjoying the time off, relaxing, getting things done. but tomorrow it's back to business--transferring to the NY VA, moving forward with my blog, getting things done. thank you for bearing with me! And I humbly as that you become a friend to my site! Thanks! :-)

Entering the Finishing Stretch

Good evening! I really do need to start this earlier, but I had to study for my Skills I written final tomorrow. Feeling pretty confident. And the practical exam is 3 hours long on Thursday... Last day for the block and then SUMMER BREAK!!!

Today in class we roasted our last batch of bludgeoned baby cow bones (veal... hehe) for making stock, and the stock mirepoix. No more before break! No more ovens at 500 degrees! And we made #4 out of 5 Mother Sauces, Espagnole, or brown, sauce, and also the contemporary version--Jus de Veau Lie. The former uses roux, and the later uses corn starch. one of the biggest differences. The latter is also fortified with maillard veal. I was excellent on both. Very happy. And with no knife tray, we got out of class way early, which was nice since it was so hot! Oh, and the other four sauces are veloute, bechamel, hollandaise, and tomato. I'll go into those tomorrow after I discuss tomato. We do that in class tomorrow.

So back to Fort Worth...

When last I wrote, Cory seemed better, but it was all smoke and mirrors. He was seeing a new guy and things seemed to be going well. I came home from work on a Wednesday evening and they had just finished eating dinner that they cooked. Cory never cooked. He reheated... And then they got all snuggly on the couch, poking and tickling at each other, giggling like giddy school girls, and then went back to Cory's room and went to bed. Who knew what was to come...

I was off work on Tuesday and Thursday that week, as was Cory by coincidence, and the two of us spent all day on Tuesday cleaning the house. Me on the inside, him on the outside and the yard. And I told him that I was taking Gracie to the groomer on Thursday, so she'd be missing, in case he wondered where she was. I woke up late on Thursday morning, and rushed out the door to get Gracie to her appointment at the groomer by 11am. I planned to drop her off and do some shopping and run errands. I stopped into Williams-Sonoma and bought a 10" Shun Chef Knife on sale (it was still about $150, down from $200), and I was so excited about it that I took it to work to show it off to my coworkers. I remember my friend Devin was so happy for me that she took a picture of me holding my new knife. Then I went upstairs to the office and ran into my friend and boss, Karon and was chatting with her when the call came...

Patrick called my cell, and I sent it to voicemail because I was in a conversation and figured I'd call him back after. Then I got the text telling me to call him 9-1-1... I called him and he told me that something had happened to Cory, but he wasn't sure of the situation, but that he thoughty Cory may have killed himself and that people were trying to reach me. I was standing in a hallway and my boss, hearing me repeating every word, yanked me into the closest office and shut the door.

I asked the questions, Patrick told me what he could; what he knew, and my knees just went out from under me and I hit the floor. Wow, this is hard... Harder than I thought it would be... Bottom line, I needed to head home and sort things out. I needed to get Gracie from the groomer and get home. And as I was trying to get my thoughts back in operational function, everyone was asking if there was anything they could do, could they drive me, do I need them to get Gracie... Then the call came in at work from the police, telling me that Cory was deceased, but they couldn't make a ruling on homicide or suicide until they interviewed me, and could I come home right away. I was in shock, and I had to fight to keep my thoughts together. Everyone was surprised how well I was handling it, but hey--that's what the military did for me--taught me to compartmentalize and get on with the mission. So I hunkered down, got my thoughts together and did what I had to do. Made arrangements at work, called the groomer and told them the situation and that they need to get Gracie done ASAP because I was on my way to pick her up and take her home. It was the longest drive of my life... And I don't remember it...

With that, I'm going to leave you with another cliffhanger for tonight. In the next edition, arriving at home with emergency services and family on the front lawn...

Thank you for reading.

Clear Consommes and Precision Knife Cuts

The Story of Fort Worth

So last we were together, I left you with a cliffhanger of a story about living in Fort Worth for a year. I left San Antonio just get get away from there. I was stagnant, stalled, stale, stuck in a rut... I felt trapped. When I made the decision to go to culinary school, I felt like I had awaked from a coma that I had lasted for the previous three years... And with no money, no job, and a mountain of debt, I packed up Gracie, my clothes, my kitchen, my dvd collection, and my memorabilia, sold off everything that I could, and either donated the rest to Goodwill or the dumpster. I gave notice on my apartment and advance notice at both of my jobs (Sales Leader at Bath and Body Works and Sales Associate at Ann Taylor Loft... Ugh!). I told my friends that I was leaving but they didn't believe me. Until they got the invitation to my going away party, that is... Then they said I wouldn't be gone long, and that I'd be back. I went back once for my friend, John's birthday back in January...

So I hit the road to Fort Worth. Why there? I was looking into Le Cordon Bleu in Dallas, and my best friend, Phil, lives in Fort Worth. It was my escape route. So Phil and his pops came down to help me move, but I ended up having more stuff than I thought and we had to come back a couple of weeks alter with a U-Haul.

So I arrived in Fort Worth, move in with Phil and his family (thanks again!) and get a job at Central Market in the Chef's Case as a server--schlepping potato salad for a piddance of a wage and taken advantage of by management. Central Market is a gourmet grocery store similar to Whole Foods, but local to Texas. Roof over my head--check. Job with income--check. It was then time to look into culinary school. As it turns out there are a few culinary schools in the DFW Metroplex, so I looked at the biggies--Le Cordon Bleu, like I mentioned, but also the Art Institute of Dallas. In doing my research, and speaking with co-workers, I discovered The Culinary Institute of America, the Harvard of culinary schools. Comparing the programs at the three, and with my restaurant empire in mind, I knew I had attend The Culinary. It has the Bachelor's degree, which encompasses both cooking and restaurant management. And carrying the repuation that it has, and having it's military heritage, it was the only choice for me.

So all of that aside, back to the drama! I know that's what you want... So I came home one day and Phil and his wife tell me that "we need to talk..." I thought, "crap, they're kicking me out." Well yeah, kinda--they sold the house and we needed to be out by the end of the week! They said I could go with them, but that at the new rental, Gracie would have to stay outside. Gracie is a Princess and an indoor girl... And there was no way I could leave her outside in the Fort Worth heat. She's an Irish breed... Cold weather... So I placed an add to rent a room and got two responses. And so starts the drama...

I moved in with one guy, renting a room for only $250/month for a room and full use of the house. Nice kitchen, big flat-screen tv, fenced-in yard... and I could afford it! It was also closer to work then the other guy. They say, never look a gift horse in the mouth. YES YOU SHOULD! The rent was cheap, because dude was expecting rent in "other forms of payment," shall we say... I only lived there for three weeks. Dude had a revolving door on his bedroom! And he was short, fat, and NOT attractive... Summer teeth... Thing was a pile of molten drama...

While living there, someone smashed out the rear window of my car. Trying to save money, I raised my deductibles to $1k, so my SafeLite wouldn't cover it. I'd have had to pay out of pocket, almost $400. So I went to a junk yard, bought the glass for cheap and they guy installed it. Poorly. Didn't connect the defogger and it leaks in two places. Still today... So I need to find a glass place to remove and re-install the rear window correctly.

So after three weeks, I was still talking to the other guy with a room for rent, and it was still available. It was a little more and a little further from work, but he wasn't trying to get into my pants, either... So in one day, I packed up, left a check and keys on the counter, shouldered stuff in to the truck as hard as I could, and I made a run for it like a battered woman... Couldn't get out fast enough...

Enter Cory and Patrick.

I moved into Cory's house, renting the third bedroom. Patrick was in the other bedroom. They were already friends, and I fit right in. Gay, fabulous, and quirky... We all worked long hours, usually evenings or nights. It worked. It was nice and comfortable. Until it wasn't... Patrick didn't have a car and Cory and/or I, or his co-workers were giving him rides to work, 20 minutes away, one way... I like helping friends out, and he was giving me gas money, but I was just so tired from work and didn't want to leave the house. Eventually, I had to say something... And he bought a car. And started dating Dennis. And up and moved out becuase he coudn't afford the rent... It was kinda off-putting, but I understood why. That was in October. He was done moving out around Halloween. Then came the Cory tragedy...

Cory was having boy drama, especially with one in particular. Patrick and I both thought that this kid was bad news for Cory, but he seemed to be a semi-permanent fixture when it was convenient. Well, I guess that FINALLY ended around the same time that Patirck moved out and Cory was very depressed. I came home from work one Friday night and Cory's truck was in the driveway, but all the lights were off. I thought that was strange, so I started looking around the house and found Cory laying under a pile of clothes on the floor in his closet in the dark... Wimpering... I also found a pile of muscle relaxers, anti-depressants, and other various pills in a pile on the bathroom counter... I flushed them, tried to get Cory to talk and he did, but I was so angry at this stunt... I was on suicide watch all night. The police showed up twice because evidently Cory was texting goodbye-type messages to his friends and family who lived an hour away.

The next morning, a close family friend came and picked up Cory and convinced him to check himself into a psych ward for help. He was there Saturday through Thursday. I went and visited him on Wednesday while he was in and he was all jokes and smiles, telling me he was on new meds that were helping a lot, and he had exercises to do for when felt a depression coming on. So he came home, went back to work the next week, and seemed fine. Working, repainting the hallway, started seeing a new guy who seemed very sweet... Like he was finally in a good place. That was all smoke and mirrors...

To be continued... ;-)

Knife Tray Practical Day

Good evening all!

I apologize for being so tardy for the party, but it was a loooong, and HOT day! But all in all, it was a successful day at school. We had our knife tray practical exam and I got a 100%! The knife tray, for those who don't know and have asked, consists of the following cuts:

Mince a shallot, 3 cloves of garlic, and and small bunch of flat parsley.
Concasse 2 tomatoes. That is to first core the stem end and then score the opposite end with a small X. Drop into boiling water until the skin cracks, and then drop right into an ice bath This shocks the tomato and makes peeling the skin very easy. Then you cut into a rough chop.
After that, cut 2 onions: 1 into 1/8" slices, and the other into 1/4" dice.
And then the really hard part... The dreaded potatoes... We had to cut a medium dice or 1/2" cubes, Batonet of 1/4"x1/4"x2-2.5" (think McD's fries), Alumet Julienne of 1/8"x1/8"x2-2.5" (Alumet Julienne is for potatoes. Fine Julienne is for other veggies, which is 1/16"...), and finally Brunoise which is 1/8" cubes. The Mid Dice is the hardest! Probably because you have too much room for error...
Finally, making a sachet d'epice--parsley stem, thyme, bay leaf, cracked black peppercorn, and a clove of garlic tied up in a cheese cloth, which is used as an aromatic for soups, sauces, etc. So easy and flavorful!

And that's knife tray. We started at a time limit of 1 hr, 20 minutes, and the test today was only 45 minutes. Perfect score! I was so happy.

While doing that, we had to make our second consomme, and again, mine was cloudy... The draw back of the day... But then I made my first mayonnaise and hollandaise sauces from scratch! Who knew it was so easy! I mean, it's tricky, but once you get it, you get it. And mine were perfect! I was honored when Chef used my hollandaise as an example for color, viscosity, flavor... And I now have a new appreciation for hollandaise. I never liked it before...

So that was the day. I promised you a continuation of the Year in Fort Worth, but I'm so worn out after the day I had... I work in the computer lab in the morning, so I plan to write again then. Thanks for your patience!

Clear Consommes and Precision Knife Cuts!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA!

It's the 4th of July and I'm loading my first official entry after getting my blog up. So welcome to my little corner of the internet and thank you for stopping by! Feel free to leave comments, check out the ads and links, and generally explore my site!

My name is Derek Smith, and I'm a student at The Culinary Institute of America in Hyde Park, NY. There's more about me in my bio profile, so feel free to check it out! The purpose of my blog is to entertain, educate, vent, chat, and generally have a place to dialogue. An online journal open to the public, if you will. But mainly, it's to document my education at the world's greatest culinary school.

My destination: graduating first with the Associate's of Occupational Science in Culinary Arts, and then the Bachelor's of Professional Studies. The difference--the AOS is all of the cooking classes. After that, you go into the BPS program for the restaurant management classes. The ultimate goal: a restaurant empire coast to coast! By the way, I already have one Associate's degree in aircraft maintenance from the Community College of the Air Force, and I also have a BA/BS in Communications and a BA in English from Norwich University in Vermont, the nation's oldest private military university, almost 200 years old.

There will be three tiers--fine dining, family accessible, and a cafe/bistro/coffee house/wine bar type place. The top two tiers will be similar in concept, while the cafe will stand alone. I have an original concept that hit me like a ton of bricks in the middle of the night, the middle of the week, the middle of March of 2009... But I'll go into that in a second. For the restaurants, I've got the names picked out, chosen the cities in which I want to be, and a notebook full of ideas jotted down on menu items, decor, service, chain of command, the whole nine yards, and it evolves frequently.

The whole thing started when I was working 2 thankless retail jobs 12-13 hrs a day, 6 days a week. All I wanted to do when I got home, after walking Gracie, is jump in the kitchen and cook. So I'd throw in a dvd, pour a glass of wine, fire up the stove and start cooking--all 4 burners and 3 pans in the oven. I'd cook for hours without breaking a sweat, and when something was done cooking I'd put it in storage containers, wash out the pot and start round two. The next thing I knew it was five ours later, I'd cooked everything in the house, and the fridge was full of Tupperware!

On this particular night, it was coming up on 1 am, and I was texting my best friend, Phil, and this original concept came to me. Don't ask me what... Trade secret... But I bounced the idea off of Phil and he liked it. So I, for all intents and purposes, gave my notice on both jobs and my apartment pretty much the next day and that was it. I was going to culinary school. I didn't know about CIA at that time, just Le Cordon Bleu, of which there was one in Dallas. Phil lives in Fort Worth, so there was the exit strategy in place. I had no money, a mountain of debt, no job lined up, and I just packed up and left. My friends in San Antonio didn't believe that I was really going to go... But I was gone to Fort Worth for the next year. What happened in Fort Worth was, well, an amazing roller coaster...

But it's late tonight, so I'm going to get off of here, and if you've read this far, I thank you for staying with me! The story of Fort Worth and the path to getting to The Culinary is still to follow... So tune in Monday evening for the next installment!

Clear consommes and precision knife cuts!

This is a test to make sure I'm doing this correctly... I'm not very tech savvy, so I'm teaching myself how to start a blog!