I just stepped out on the balcony for a cigarette after watching The Bucket List for the first time. It's a chilly, moist night, and by most standards, many would call it not so nice. But as I stood there in silence, enjoying an occasional vice, it occurred to me: even if it's overcast and humid with another chance for rain, it's a beautiful night. I can't see any stars, save one in the southern sky, although I think I was actually Mars. It's cool and damp, yes, but it's also serenely quiet, save the singing of the crickets and the random passing of a car driving by on the next street over behind my house. There is a light mist or fog hovering, that from standing up on the balcony looking down could look creepy if in a cemetery, but in my back yard, it's like a blanket covering the ground.
I take another drag of my cigarette as I also take in the night and I start thinking. Appreciating the wonder of the under-appreciated night. And I reflect--something most so rarely do in this day of drive-thrus, IMs and NetFlix. What do I find? I find thankfulness to God, Mother, The Universe, or whatever deity may be out there watching over and protecting us all, but also to my family and friends. I love every person who has touched my life, because with you in my life, I have become the man that I am today. Having taken so much for granted along the way, I think about things I've done, places I've been, people I've known, and realize, I have done so much in my life that I didn't ever realize I wanted, but in a roundabout sort of way.
As a child, I dreamt of so many things, that as a grown-up (if you can call me that) I thought I'd never get to do. I'd lost my chance. But it occurs to me,that things that I always wanted, I've had in one form or another. I wanted to be an astronaut. I'm not, but I've experienced weightlessness in the back of a C-130 flying parabolas. I wanted to be a lawyer. I'm just good at arguing and persuasion. I wanted to be a doctor. I know enough about first aid and CPR to help people, and I've used them both, as well as been a blood donor. I wanted to be president. I am. Of the chorus and the veterans association here at school. I wanted to be a pilot. I have flown a Cessna from take off to landing, with an instructor next to me, thanks to the Air Force. I've accomplished more than I've given myself credit for.
But one of the major dreams is to be someone who is remembered or having contributed to the human race. Sounds rather, yes. But then something happened to me a few weeks ago... An old from m college days, whom I had lost touch with, found me on Facebook, and he lives about 30 minutes away. So we got together one weekend and he told me that back in college, he looked up to me. That my attitude of not caring what other people thought about me (in truth, I did back then, but I guess I didn't let on) inspired him to be his own person and not care what others thought. That's not word for word, of course, but that was the message I received. It really touched me. I never saw myself as being much of an influential person, especially then. I was so young and unsure of myself, at least I thought so at the time.
Point is, there is so much in life that I have taken for granted, or just plain didn't recognize was happening to me. I am eternally thankful for every experience in my life, because I am no longer the suicidal, post-pubescent mess that I was for so many years. The old adage, that which doe not kill us... It's so true. I've been to hell and back, and only a handful have any idea just how bad things have been for me at times. But I've powered through. I REFUSE to fail. I REFUSE to give up. I REFUSE to let life pass me by... I have many years left before me and I will suck the marrow out of life and live each moment as best and as full as I can.
So what do I have now? The best dog anyone could EVER dream of. A new direction in life, attending The Culinary, and a tremendous success laid before me. It will happen, I have NO doubts. I have a slew of friends who truly care about me and for all of you, I'm forever in your debt for standing by me thru the crazy times, and supporting me in my future endeavors. A family that, although they don't all subscribe fully to my life, love me nonetheless.
I WILL have my restaurant empire. I WILL be a philanthropist fighting for American education and LGBTQ equality, and fighting against homelessness and hunger on our OWN soil. I WILL be a place to turn for troubled youth to find safety, solace and shelter when they have had backs turned to them. I will be a true American fighting for our inalienable human rights against ALL enemies, foreign and domestic, including domestic violence. I have been through all of these on my own and these causes, as well as healthcare to fight cancer, Alzheimer's, HIV/AIDS, and addiction, are near and dear to my heart.
I pledge to you, America, that I will do everything I can in this short life to make your lives better.
This I swear.
